diff --git a/flake.nix b/flake.nix
index df513a4..cf5b554 100644
--- a/flake.nix
+++ b/flake.nix
@@ -335,6 +335,7 @@
       packages = rec {
         auc = pkgs.callPackage packages/auc.nix {};
         betacode = pkgs.callPackage packages/betacode.nix {};
+        brainmelter = pkgs.callPackage packages/brainmelter.nix {};
         brassica = pkgs.callPackage packages/brassica.nix {};
         cheat-sh = pkgs.callPackage packages/cheat-sh.nix {};
         closest = pkgs.callPackage packages/closest {};
diff --git a/packages/brainmelter.nix b/packages/brainmelter.nix
new file mode 100755
index 0000000..9ee5802
--- /dev/null
+++ b/packages/brainmelter.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,39 @@
+{ writers, flite, netcat, gnused, ... }:
+writers.writeDashBin "brainmelter" ''
+  SERVER="brockman.news"
+  PORT=6667
+  NICK="irccat"
+  USER="irccat"
+  CHANNEL="#all"
+
+  # Open connection to IRC server using a FIFO and netcat
+  FIFO=$(mktemp -u)
+  mkfifo "$FIFO"
+  trap "rm -f $FIFO" EXIT
+
+  # Send IRC commands
+  {
+      echo "NICK $NICK"
+      echo "USER $USER 0 * :$USER"
+      sleep 5
+      echo "JOIN $CHANNEL"
+      while true; do
+          sleep 30
+          echo "PING :keepalive"
+      done
+  } > "$FIFO" &
+
+  # Read from server and write to stdout
+  ${netcat}/bin/nc "$SERVER" "$PORT" < "$FIFO" | while IFS= read -r line; do
+    voice="$(echo -e "awb\nkal\nrms\nslt" | shuf -n1)"
+    echo "$line" \
+      | ${gnused}/bin/sed -n 's/.*go.brockman.news\/\S\+ //p' \
+      | tee /dev/stderr \
+      | ${flite}/bin/flite -voice "$voice"
+    # Respond to PINGs to avoid timeout
+    if [ "$line" = PING* ]; then
+        server_ping=$(echo "$line" | cut -d':' -f2)
+        echo "PONG :$server_ping" > "$FIFO"
+    fi
+  done
+''